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Samples of how writing workshops can enhance your project.

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Cover Leter

Cover Letter

BEFORE

Design offers a means to unite elements of different scales in a transformative and unique way.  This became second nature to mealways  experimenting with spatial manipulation, form and function. I am captivated by, not only the final product that design brings to life, but the process itself.

My objective is to better my understanding of all aspects of the design industry for both professional and personal goals. In the future, I hope to gain further practical experience working alongside professionals in my field.

AFTER

Design offers a means to unite elements of different scales in a transformative way. This has become second nature to mealways experimenting with spatial manipulation, form, and function. I am captivated by not only the final product that design brings to life, but also the process itself.

My objective is to increase my understanding of corporate design by taking on challenging new projects. To advance my skills, I aim to work closely with design professionals to acquire key expertise, including project management and client relations.

COLOUR-CODED EDITS

Great phrasing! Needs a tune-up. Needs support!

Image by Daria Nepriakhina

WRITER:

English-speaking graduate.

EDITS REQUIRED:

  • Rewrote second paragraph to be more dynamic, rather than passive.

  • Fixed minor errors in opening paragraph.

Academic

Academic

BEFORE

In search of personal independence as a young adult, she fled her home in New Brunswick and changed her identity to ‘Franklin Thompson,’ living undercover as a man. When the Civil War broke out, Sarah, clandestinely known by her peers as ‘Franklin’, moved to the United States and became a Union agent under General George McClellan’s intelligence network (AUTHOR 2002 page 31).

AFTER

In search of independence as a young adult, she fled her home in New Brunswick and changed her identity to “Franklin Thompson,” living undercover as a man. When the Civil War broke out, Sarah—clandestinely known by her peers as “Franklin”—moved to the United States and became a Union operative (AUTHOR, 2002, p. 31). As an agent in General George McClellan’s intelligence network...

COLOUR-CODED EDITS

Great phrasing! Needs a tune-up. Needs support!

Image by Luke Southern

WRITER:
English-speaking student

EDITS REQUIRED:

  • Reduced sentence length for easier readability

  • Added em-dashes to improve pacing.

  • Fixed citation style guide errors.

Social Media

Social Media

BEFORE

Anyways, Big Mouth found a way to demonstrate the difficulty of not just hormones and what to do when your body changes; it also demonstrated what to do when your mind changes. When you start to think a lot, and not necessarily the best thoughts. The show’s writers were able to take such a challenging and serious subject and transformed it into a fresh, educative and empowering one.

AFTER

In the end, Big Mouth found a way to demonstrate not only the the difficulties of hormones, and what to do when your body changes; but also how to cope when your mind changes. These life lessons can really help when you start to overthink things in a harmful way. I loved how the show’s writers took such a challenging, serious subject and transformed it into a fresh, educational, and empowering story.

COLOUR-CODED EDITS

Great phrasing! Needs a tune-up. Needs support!

Image by Stanley Dai

WRITER:

French-speaking professional.

EDITS REQUIRED:

  • Changed middle section significantly, in order to reduce repetition and connect with the paragraph's natural flow.

  • Adjusted final sentence and changed final word—"one" to "story"—to improve overall clarity.

Food Writing

Food

BEFORE

If you have not yet discovered fatteh, you will be in love I tell you. Fatteh is a Levantine dish that consists of toasted pita squares that are covered with warm chickpeas and drenched with a luscious garlic-tahini-yogurt sauce. Fatteh is eaten with sides of fresh vegetables and pickles. The word fatteh in Arabic means "crumbs," and it is a well-known dish on the weekends morning across Syria. Whenever I prepare this plate, I like to varnish it with pine nuts and almonds.

AFTER

If you have not yet discovered fatteh, you'll fall in love. Fatteh is a Levantine dish that consists of toasted pita squares covered with warm chickpeas, and then drenched in a luscious garlic-tahini-yogurt sauce. The word fatteh means “crumbs" in Arabic. It is commonly eaten on weekend mornings across Syria, served with sides of fresh vegetables and pickles. Whenever I prepare this plate, I like to garnish it with pine nuts and almonds.

COLOUR-CODED EDITS

Great phrasing! Needs a tune-up. Needs support!

Image by Alejandro Escamilla

WRITER:
Arabic-speaking professional

EDITS REQUIRED:

  • Fixed a few minor errors (e.g., "varnish" to "garnish")

  • Adjusted flow of information to be more naturally readable.

Personal Writing

Personal Writing

BEFORE

I remember being this age (13)  myself going into my first depressive episode. I was so embarrassed about who I was and wouldn't assume that eventually, I lost control and started realizing that I was becoming some I couldn't relate to or didn't like even. Someone that even my friends and family would recognize because I shut them off.

AFTER

I remember when I was 13, going into my first depressive episode. I was so embarrassed about who I was and lost control for a while. Eventually, I realized that I was becoming someone I couldn't relate to, and didn't even like. Someone that even my friends and family wouldn’t recognize because I had completely shut them out.

COLOUR-CODED EDITS

Great phrasing! Needs a tune-up. Needs support!

Image by Glenn Carstens-Peters

WRITER:

French-speaking youth.

EDITS REQUIRED:

  • Adjusted middle section, which didn't easily connect to the ideas around it.

  • Shortened sentences for increased clarity.

  • Fixed several minor errors.

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